That's not to say the kids aren't respectful or that they don't take authority seriously. Personally, I believe that the constant light-hearted bantering helps them differentiate between "this is serious business" and "give me your best shot." They seem to naturally understand when it's time to chill out and get to what they're told. Munchkin, my 6-year-old rarely questions what he's told to do. Awesome, right? We've come to realize that's it's not all it's cracked up to be.
We were especially hard on our oldest when he was very young because we were determined not to be "those parents." You know, the ones that you see letting their kids run amuck in the stores or throw knock-down-drag-out fits in aisle 12. We succeeded. But as he gets older, he seems to lack the skill his younger brother has come by naturally- the ability to argue his position instead of simply doing as he is told, without question. Instead, when he truly doesn't want to do something he has become the dramatic "woe-is-me-my-world-is-ending" kind of kid. It rarely ends well for anyone.
You see, at the ripe old age of 30 (haha), I see things much differently than I did at 24. I WANT them to question commands, and I WANT them to negotiate when they don't think things are right. I think it builds character and hones skills that will come in handy when they enter the real world. When used with respect and tact the art of negotiation is an invaulable skill, capable of expanding your options and earning respect. Think about it. When was the last time you saw a "yes man" happy and going places in his chosen career? I have yet to meet one, personally.
This is one of the reasons I've chosen to home school my kids. Public school doesn't allow for children to challenge what they're being spoon-fed. It doesn't require them to think. It doesn't allow them to stand up for themselves. This, combined with the "everybody's a winner" mentality they seem to push at schools, is a dangerous and depressing trend. We're ending up with a generation of kids graduating high school, believing the world owes them everything and that they're special enough to reap rewards without actually doing any of the work, And when they're out there, in the "real" world, they're falling far short of being productive human beings and blame everyone else for their short comings.
Brought up being rewarded just for warming the bench, forced to simply regurgitate information without processing it, and never being allowed to say "Why not do it this way instead" serves no one. And being that society has taught them that this is the way the world works, maybe these kids are right to blame others. Starting with their parents, who never told prepared them for the way the world really works and never told them that actual work would be required to get anywhere in life. Then the teachers and school administrators that never bothered to tell them that , in life, there are no retests and late work ends in being without a job.
After paying attention to all this for the last several years, I saw a definitely flaw in the public school system. And yet, we put our son into that broken system. Why? Well, it's what was expected, of course. What would people say? Why, the very mention of it erupted in accusatory comments from at least a few family members.
"How could you possibly think you know better than those TRAINED to teach children?"
"Why would you even THINK of isolating your child like that?"
"What kind of person.....?"
The list goes on. And so we caved. We gave up the thought, but still we paid attention to the way schools worked. And the more we learned, the more we knew in our hearts we were right. And the topic of home school kept coming up.
Every time we saw a news story about how this child or that had been bullied into suicide, we saw where "socialization" and support in public schools was ineffective. Sure, you can say that the parents are just as responsible, and I agree. BUT, when you've raised a child that has been taught they're a winner no matter what, and their peers tell them they're worthless time and again...What are the odds that child will turn to you and say "I don't feel like I'm living up to the person you think I should be"?
Every time we saw how little actually went, financially, toward the actual education of our child we saw a system that was more about lining the pockets of the people at the top of the public school pyramid, than actually educating the people that are the future of our country. Why should we expect teachers that get paid very little to go above and beyond what they're held accountable for- the standardized test scores, those tests taken by children that are taught "It's ok, you can always have another chance."
Every time we saw a news story about a child that was punished for questioning a teacher, whether the child was right or wrong, we saw a missed opportunity to teach children "Hey, we all make mistakes, but let's learn from them."
And so, we finally decided to make decisions in the best interest of our children. We finally decided to no longer keep our heads down and our mouths shut. We finally decided to pull our son out of public school to home school him, regardless of any backlash we may receive. We finally decided to turn against the current and find our own stream, our own space, our own time.
Some well-intentioned words of caution and some suggestions have been given but ultimately, support is what we've received. Personally, I believe that if you do things with the best interest of your children in your heart and in the forefront of your mind, there is no such thing as failure. Feeling you should be doing more, and yet, choosing to do nothing...Now THAT is failure.
And so, we endeavor to raise our boys to question everything, respectfully and tactfully. We endeavor to raise our boys to stand up for themselves, for others, for what they believe to be wrong in this world. We endeavor to raise our boys to care about PEOPLE, not numbers in a bank account. We endeavor to raise our boys to know that YES, they WILL MAKE MISTAKES! But those mistakes are not failures, they are opportunities to learn and to change and grow as human beings. We endeavor to raise our boys to know that they will NOT always get what they feel the deserve in life, and that they will NOT always win- but that it is their DUTY to themselves to keep trying, to change the way they approach things, to find a way to make it work.
And we endeavor to work our entire lives to teach them that they have to, first and foremost, never take life too seriously. To always find humor in a difficult situation. To find joy in every day.
